Monday, November 30, 2009
Happy 18th birthday to Peggy and Happy 25th birthday to Gaya.
celebrated their birthdays in school, after bio lecture. sha was funny.
"why the cake is getting from big to small uh amira?" (fiona's birthday cake was bigger, but theirs was not, sorry for that. my apologies.)
the cake was nice. gave gaya and peggy the CD that i have made for them. the least i can do. was late for school today. reach at 930. woke up at 840? rush all the way. my leg bled today. darn. nevermind.
the situation back here...is still the same. i really do want to move away. get a job, save $, rent a house. soon. i want to. why am i always been accused of something when i did not do anything wrong? if you said that you want to bring me to court and all, go ahead. but, you must have prove or evidence to show the bad things i done to you. and more, you are siding with her. that is why i am to be blame for eveything. it really still hurts inside my heart. is really painful and weak. tend to cry at night. thinking why it has become like this. you said i am a burden to you. so, i have plan to move away soon. so, you no longer have to worry about me, which i doubt you will get worry. all you care is $$$. but what about your own flesh and blood? it really is painful. why am i been treated this way. feels so lonely when i return here. there is always no sense of belonging here. all i feel is loneliness, darkness. i want to be free from them. help me.
to RCF: i miss you. a sudden feeling of not seeing you guys so long.
to NR0916: i love you guys. thanks for being there for me these few weeks, ever since the problem i faced up till now.
trying my best to .SCREAM.
3:08 AM
Thursday, November 26, 2009
got back bio test today. scored a C for it. never expect that actually. was expecting a D or F. never study at all. all because of *that*. up till now. still been treated the same. my heart is weak still. i wonder if this is my "real" family. why am i been treated this way? i want to free from them. it's for the best. just waiting for the time. soon. pain and hurt deeply still. got to hang on.
trying my best to .SCREAM.
4:46 AM
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
heart is in deep deep pain. i've lost myself. i no longer the same. i'm transparent to others. i'm a burden to them. i caused troubles to them. i just want to end now. losing my mind.
trying my best to .SCREAM.
5:41 AM
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
i can't think straight. i feel like i'm a total stranger to them. they don't even bother to ask me how am i? when am i coming back home? it's like as if i no longer live in their lives. i'm like a pile of trash. somehow have been "running away" from home. it's been a week. things are complicated now. i not sure if i ever want to return. i feel sad, hurt, depressed, everything. seems to me like i no longer important. i'm just nothing to anyone. why are they treating me this way? have been keeping these feelings long. anytime i can have a breakdown. i fear of everything now. there is no other place for me to turn to now...
trying my best to .SCREAM.
8:17 AM
Friday, November 13, 2009
what hurts the most now? wish i could just leave and never to come back.
trying my best to .SCREAM.
5:43 AM
Thursday, November 12, 2009
"Make certain decisions only once . . . We can make a single decision about certain things that we will incorporate in our lives and then make them ours - without having to brood and re-decide a hundred times what it is we will do and what we will not do."
trying my best to .SCREAM.
7:45 AM
Monday, November 9, 2009
what is this feeling that i am having now? it sucks a lot. everything seems pointless. why is that so? feeling myself drifting away and away now. weak.
trying my best to .SCREAM.
5:49 AM
